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Mark Zuckerberg: Reptile vs. Robot

April 30, 2018

Recently, we came upon one of the greatest debates in American history. As a warning, this is one of the most serious and intense questions ever asked, and it could cause you to experience emotional outrage.

After Mark Zuckerberg’s testimony before the Senate, a series of memes poking fun at (and in some cases harassing) the Facebook founder exploded across the internet, and the citizens of the United States decided almost unanimously that this man was not human. After all, how could anyone slightly socially awkward be considered a person? However, America was not as united in what Zuckerberg really was. In this article we will delve into the greatest debate of the century: reptile vs. robot.

Firstly, there’s the team who believes he’s a reptile, or a lizard-man. After vigorous research, I have not found any evidence to this theory, other than Zuckerberg’s slightly unnatural demeanor. You’ve probably heard the phrase (usually — and hopefully — used in comedy) that “the government is all reptiles.” Well, apparently it’s not just the government anymore. When starting up a livestream, Zuckerberg probably expected to be asked technology questions,

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but instead he was accused of being one of these lizard-people. Zuckerberg responded by calling the question “silly” and denying it. Unless that’s just what he wants you to think…

Now onto team robot, which has just about as much evidence as the first theory (meaning none). Zuckerberg was repeatedly teased for sitting in a booster seat, which is kinda hilarious, and drinking water, because apparently that’s funny. According to some, these are clearly just hints at something bigger. Some say that the booster seat is really a charging station, and that he’s drinking water to keep his monitor from overheating, which are both possibilities.

If you couldn’t tell, all of the theories I reference in this article were jokes, used in satire and made solely for the hilarity of it all. Poor Mark Zuckerberg has fallen to become the new focus point for us all to make fun of. As fun as that can be, maybe we should focus on something other than this poor, awkward man’s state of being.

Unless he really is a lizard or robot, because that would be slightly concerning.

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